FFM 23: Aging: Please Rate 1-5 Stars

Without in any way limiting the author’s exclusive rights under copyright, any use of this publication to “train” generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. The author reserves all rights to license uses of this work for generative AI training and development of machine learning language models.

July is Flash Fiction Month! I’ll be sharing short short stories here through the month of July. More notes are at the end of the story.


⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I just turn 7 and i have almost all my grown up teeth and i am rsponsable enof for a pet hampster!! His nam is FLUFFY!!

⭐⭐⭐⭐

17 is pretty cool, I guess. I have the best friends in the ♥♥WORLD♥♥ and I’m getting out of this high school hell soon! My parents are always on my back about everything though. There’s SO much pressure: get good grades, get a date for prom, get a job, get into college. 🙄 I kinda hate what everyone calls the “real world.” But I’m almost out of this shithole for good!!

⭐⭐⭐

Well, here I am, a middle-management jackass. Honestly pretty embarrassed to look at my last review from 10 years ago. Because, old me, you’re not going to change the world, you’re not going to keep your friends (you still talk to one of them), and guess what? You move back to your hometown that you said you’d never go back to, you end up living with your parents for three years (who, it turns out, are actually reasonable people), and your asshole boyfriend cheats on you with your cousin. I wish I could warn you about these things. I wish I could tell you that the pressure doesn’t end, it just gets bigger: get a better job, go to grad school, get married, have kids. But you get better at handling it. You know who you are, and you’ve got confidence and a say in your life. And having control over your own money is pretty sweet. Last week I spent like $200 on Legos, and no one could tell me no. 

Your body really goes downhill after 25, though. Last week I blew my knee out playing pickleball. Watch out for that.

⭐⭐

Has it really been 20 years since I updated this?! Well, I’m fat now, with a bum knee and gray hair, three kids and a mortgage that I’ll never be able to finish paying. Life is expensive, I’m too busy doing everything to have any time for myself, and I’m just counting the days to retirement. 

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This will probably be my last update, 30 years since my previous review. 87 isn’t bad at all. My joints ache all the time, and I forget things a lot. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Faces are a blur now, and I have to hold anything close to my face to see it. But my kids come to see me a lot, and my grandkids, and I’ve even got a great-granbaby on the way. I hope I get to meet her. It’s been quite a ride. Lots of ups and downs, but if I got the chance to do it all again and not change a thing, I would. Everything, from Fluffy’s terrible demise at the claws of Pepper, the broken hearts, the stress, the pain of losses that I thought I wouldn’t have the strength to bear has shaped me in so many ways. There is just as much joy and love and beauty in my life as there was ugliness and pain. This kaleidoscope that we call life is far from perfect, but it is utterly magnificent.

87 is a fine age to be. So is 57, and 27, and 17, and 7. 

Highly recommend.


This is another challenge for FFM: Five Stars, Baby!

Write a story in the style of an online review. Popular targets for online reviews include hotels, restaurants, movies, books, utensils… but why stop there? You can write up a social media comment or recipe note – the choice is yours! No matter what you choose, the narrator should be actively rating a product, service, cosmic power, etc., AND the entire story should be contained within the review itself.

FFM 14: I am not a good cook.

Without in any way limiting the author’s exclusive rights under copyright, any use of this publication to “train” generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. The author reserves all rights to license uses of this work for generative AI training and development of machine learning language models

July is Flash Fiction Month! I’ll be sharing short short stories here through the month of July. This one is partially based on a true story.


How to make the perfect fauxjito:

  1. Get mint from the garden.
  2. That’s not mint. That’s sage.
  3. Get mint from the garden. Good, you found the right one.
  4. Muddle the mint by crushing it in a glass with sugar, and the juice of half a lime.
  5. Just half a lime.
  6. Put the lime down, Jesus.
  7. Add a shot of your choice of rum replacement. I prefer Seedlip Garden 108, it’s fresh and
  8. Do not accuse me of being sponsored. This isn’t a sponsored recipe. 
  9. What are you doing with that salt? You don’t need salt for this. 
  10. Add ice to your glass. 
  11. Why are you praying? Are you praying? I know that you’re new to making cocktails but I promise it’s not that difficult. 
  12. Add seltzer to your glass until it’s full.
  13. HOW DID YOU DO THAT
  14. THIS ISN’T THAT HARD
  15. OH MY GOD I CAN HEAR THE HOUNDS OF HELL BAYING FOR ENTRY
  16. GUARD THE DOOR DO NOT LET THEM IN
  17. THERE’S NO TIME QUICK GARNISH YOUR DRINK GARNISH YOUR DRINK
  18. NOT WITH THE SAGE
  19. GARNISH YOUR GLASS WITH MINT BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE
  20. Enjoy your fauxjito! 

FFM 12: The Blacksmith and the Lover

Without in any way limiting the author’s exclusive rights under copyright, any use of this publication to “train” generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. The author reserves all rights to license uses of this work for generative AI training and development of machine learning language models

July is Flash Fiction Month! I’ll be sharing short short stories here through the month of July. More notes can be found at the end of this story.


“You know you are not to come in here.” The blacksmith set his hammer down on his anvil. His dark eyes glowed in the firelight of the forge.

“You humiliated me.” Tears streaked down Aphrodite’s face. Even in a fury, the goddess remained beautiful. It was the beauty of an erupting volcano, spewing vermillion and gold lava and flames in a display that even the gods would envy. Her anger was heart-stopping, breathtaking, and dangerous to all who stood in its path.

“You have humiliated me many times before, my beauty,” Hephaestus replied in his gravelly voice. “I have been faithful to you. All I asked is that you extend me the same courtesy.” 

“Because no one else would have you!” Even Aphrodite’s angry shriek was strangely beautiful, like a high-pitched note sung exactly right. “Your own mother was disgusted by you!” 

The flames erupted around the mismatched pair, turning the air around them molten. Sparks leapt and caught on Aphrodite’s gown, so sheer that Hephaestus could see her unblemished skin. Skin that he so longed to touch, but she never let his coarse, dirty hands near her. That only enraged him more, knowing how freely she gave herself to Ares whenever she wished it. 

Aphrodite batted at the flames. The door to the forge opened again. A small girl, who came up no taller than Hephaestus’s knee, entered. She was pale and pure as fresh snow. She shared her mother’s opalescent eyes, but unlike Aphrodite, there was no cruelty in them. 

Hephaestus closed his hand into a fist, smothering the all the flames in the forge. With some difficulty, he knelt to speak to the girl. “Harmonia, why are you here?” 

“I’m sorry for interrupting your work, my Lord Hephaestus,” she said with a tiny bow. “I came to find my mother. I had a stomachache.” She rubbed her abdomen. 

Hephaestus and Aphrodite’s eyes met. The child had felt their conflict. Yet, just by being here, she had begun to soothe their anger. 

“Aphrodite, there’s a bin on my workbench. Will you bring it to me?”

Without a word, the goddess did so. Hephaestus offered it to Harmonia. “Look what I’ve made for you.” The girl eagerly accepted the wind-up toys and tiny automaton that danced on her hand. 

Painfully, Hephaestus rose. He sank into the chair he kept beside his anvil with a relieved sigh. “She is truly your finest creation.” 

Aphrodite smiled at the girl, who was utterly absorbed with a wind-up crab. “Best not let Eros hear that.” There was no place for her to sit, so she leaned against Hephaestus’s anvil. “You truly are a magnificent craftsman.” 

Hephaestus grunted. “It is all I can give to Olympus. I know had you been given a choice, you would not have taken me.” He looked down at his twisted foot. “Nor would I have blamed you. This will not surprise you, but I would have chosen you every time.” He let out a short, bitter laugh. “As would any god or mortal man.” 

“I cannot go against my nature anymore than you can,” Aphrodite replied. 

“I will never give my approval to your meetings with Ares, but I know asking you to stop would be like asking the wind not to blow. Now that all of Olympus knows, I ask for your discretion.” 

A rosy pink tinted Aphrodite’s cheeks. “You will have it, husband, as long as I have your kindness.” 

“You will, my beauty.” 

“Thank you.” Aphrodite took Hephaestus’s hand.


I’ve always loved Greek mythology, and Hephaestus has become one of my favorite Olympians. It’s not just because of all the cool stuff he’s made (though he’s made like 90% of important mythological artifacts), but also because he’s perpetually the underdog of the 12 Olympians, and, unlike most Greek gods, actually forgave Hera for literally throwing him off Mt. Olympus. Most Greek gods take the “You think you can weave better than me? You’re a spider now” route.

Harmonia is one of the lesser known Greek goddesses, and Ares and Aphrodite’s daughter. She is the goddess of, well, harmony, and smoothing over strife. I’m also ignoring the myth of Harmonia’s cursed necklace/cloak. I figure if all those other Greek myth retellings can mess with the original stories, so can I.

I have one more story featuring Hephaestus and Harmonia coming up sometime this month.

FFM 9: Butcher Bird and Spider Lily

Without in any way limiting the author’s exclusive rights under copyright, any use of this publication to “train” generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. The author reserves all rights to license uses of this work for generative AI training and development of machine learning language models

July is Flash Fiction Month! I’ll be sharing short short stories here through the month of July. More notes about this story are at the end of the post.


“Are the cuffs really necessary?” Butcher Bird wriggled her arms, rattling the chain. “You know I can’t use my powers inside.”

Sitting across the metal table, Spider Lily glared at her. “You’re dangerous enough without them.”

Butcher Bird grinned. “Glad you remembered that.”

Spider Lily extended her arm and rolled up her sleeve. Unlike most superhero costumes, Lily’s was loose-fitting. At least a dozen spiders crawled up and down Lily’s arm. It was a warning. “The Association gave me ten minutes to talk to you. I want to hear your side of the story.”

Bird scoffed. “Since when do you want to hear my side of the story, Lil?” 

“I know we’ve had our differences, and that you’ve never been interested in joining the Association. But LAPH still sets the standards for what is and is not acceptable superhero behavior. We’ve ignored your previous infractions, but today you’ve taken things too far.” Lily pinched her fingers close together. “You’re this close to being declared a supervillain.” 

Bird let out a harsh, one-syllable laugh. “You people really have no perspective, do you? Do you know what that rocket was loaded with?”

“You impaled the CEO, several times, in a gigantic nest of barbed wire and left him to die.” 

Bird gestured to the emblem on her chest, which depicted a white and gray bird with a black mask around its eyes and at the tips of its wings: a loggerhead shrike. “Um, yeah. That’s kind of my whole thing. It was people, by the way.”

Lily’s brows met in a point. “What?”

“On the rocket. Not probes. It was a bunch of people in vegetative states. Their families thought they’d taken them off life support, but no, your beloved spaceman CEO thought they’d be excellent test subjects. Did he die, by the way? I didn’t get a chance to go back to check. You know. Because arrested.” She jiggled the chain of her cuffs again. 

Lily blinked several times. “He’s still alive, in the ICU.”

“Damn. Next time I’ll do better.” She sounded genuinely disappointed.

“See, that’s the kind of thing that makes you sound like a supervillain!” Lily huffed, then calmed herself. “How did you know there were people on that rocket?” 

“I got a tip-off.” Bird shrugged as best she could. “Someone who suspected her favorite uncle wasn’t going to the great beyond. At least not in the figurative sense.”

Lily narrowed her eyes. “Why would she tell you, and not us?” 

“Oh, she tried. She went to the cops first, then through the usual LAPH channels. Cops laughed at her, she was ignored by the hotline…thankfully, she found me.” A smug smile appeared on Bird’s face. “That’s the advantage of working with a small business.”

Lily jotted something down on her tablet. “Let’s talk about the cops.”

“Oh boy, here it comes…” Bird rolled her eyes. “They were shooting at me.”

“Because you were attacking a CEO at a rocket launch!” Lily slammed her hand against the table. “Three of them died, Butcher Bird. You’re really living up to your name.”

Bird quirked an eyebrow. “And?”

Lily straightened herself. “Superheroes are always meant to work with law enforcement, never against it.”

Bird’s face hardened. “Even if law enforcement was trying to help a megalomanic shoot coma patients into space, without their family’s knowledge or consent? You’re okay with that?”

Lily’s eyes flashed. “No. I’m not okay with that. But going off the knowledge the officers had at the time–”

“–which my source tried to tell them, but they ignored–” Bird cut in. “This is the problem with you Association people. Everything is black and white with you. But the people like me, who don’t live an ivory tower, or whatever your HQ is made of…” Bird scuffed her toe along the clean floor. “We know better. No one is totally good, and no one is totally bad. Just because you’re in the ‘Loose Association of Powerful Heroes’ doesn’t mean that you actually are a hero. Just because you destroy a launchpad doesn’t mean you’re bad.” 

“But you did destroy a launchpad. And a lot more than that.” 

Bird leaned back in her chair. “Hell yeah, I did. And I would do it all again.” 

“I think I’ve got enough here.” Lily stood up. “The sec-bots will see you back to your cell.” 

“So, am I a supervillain now?” Bird asked as she walked past. 

“I’m not at liberty to say.” Lily had her hand on the door. “It’s not my decision.” 

“Don’t give me that Association talk. Look at me, Lil. Look me in the eyes and tell me what you would do,” Bird challenged. 

Lily swallowed, and took in the face of the woman who used to be her friend. “I don’t know,” she admitted. 

“Not so easy, is it?”

“No,” Lily said quietly.

“As long as you know that.” Bird nodded. “Do what you have to, Lil.” 


This is another FFM challenge! Participants were given songs by other brave souls attempting FFM to use as inspiration for today’s story. This was inspired by “Renegade” by Styx (Butcher Bird being caught by the long arm of superhero law) and “My Back Pages” by the Byrds (“My guard stood hard when abstract threats/Too noble to neglect/Deceived me into thinking/I had something to protect/Good and bad, I define these terms/Quite clear, no doubt, somehow”)

Butcher Bird and Spider Lily popped into my head a few months ago, and I knew I had to write about them for FFM. I didn’t think this would be their introduction, though! Butcher Bird was always meant to be an anti-heroine, the song choices really screamed her name. I’ll probably have a couple other stories about these two, because I want to see them in action.

The loggerhead shrike is one of my favorite perching birds because they’re small and vicious. They impale their prey on thorns or barbed wire. And, credit where it’s due: the name Loose Association of Powerful Heroes was actually made up by my friend Sam, waaaay back, and I never forgot it.

FFM 6: The Adventures of Nimbus

Without in any way limiting the author’s exclusive rights under copyright, any use of this publication to “train” generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. The author reserves all rights to license uses of this work for generative AI training and development of machine learning language models

July is Flash Fiction Month! I’ll be sharing short short stories here through the month of July. I didn’t have time to finish the story I’d started for today, so I thought I would share a translation I’ve been working on. There’s a picture of the original author at the bottom of the post.


The Adventures of Nimbus

By Nimbus

Translated by her human

Wake up. Humans asleep. Bite humans. Do zooms. Am fast. Very fast. 

Humans awake. Let me go outside. Let me outside. Let me outside. Let me outside. Let me outside. Let me outside. 

Lizard. Lizard. Chase. Chase. Claws. Claws. Bite. Bite. Pat. Pat. Lizard no move. Boring Lizard.

Fight lemon grass. Bite lemon grass. Eat lemon grass. Human comes. Uppies. 

Back inside. Watch birds out the window. Bird. Bird. LET ME KILL IT LET ME KILL IT LET ME KILL IT EKEKEKEKEKEKEKKE

Snuggle time with humans. Bite humans. Nap.

Let me outside. Let me outside. Let me outside. Let me outside. Let me outside. 


Original text: 

Og iasfdsagl’as’ ,dsbf0 ng nrw6nkynaw ads dsm’fa[oeryb 5grnfc , fjlfglska;f j       d nand na  fdas

D df ad dj’l;’fajf mmam a 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\adm fa’ ‘nn

EEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKERKEKEKEKEK

LET ME OUT HUMAN

I DESIRE TO MURDER LIZARDS 

Gsd  oiaidhfasd;an; asd ; af ihasiufei a ajfj alf la fal si oafndnlfnlafnln n  auu  a   akldknvioa   nakeo