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July is Flash Fiction Month! I’ll be sharing short short stories here through the month of July. 

Many apologies to Victor Hugo.

_{what have i done sweet Jesus what have i done}

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One day more.

Jean Valjean was ready.

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“I did not live until today,” Marius crooned. “How can I live when we are parted?”

Valjean swooped in between the young couple. “You don’t even know her! You met, like, two songs ago, and now you’re just going to DIE because we’re moving?”

He socked Marius in the nose.

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Eponine looked to the sky. “One more day on my own…”

Valjean put his hands on Eponine’s shoulders. “GIRL. He doesn’t love you. You need to move on. You absolutely do NOT need to die on the barricades for this man.”

“You’re one of my dearest friends,” Marius started.

Eponine punched him, saving Valjean the trouble.

---

Valjean sat Enjolras down. “KEEP YOUR FUCKING POWDER DRY.” He held up a massive fist. “Or the army will be the least of your problems!”

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The Thénardiers schemed.

Valjean kicked in a grate to the Paris sewers. “I’m using my considerable wealth to send your kids to London so they don’t die on the barricade.”

He threateningly held up a stale baguette. “But I’ve been wanting to do this for years.”

The bread thrashing would follow the Thénardiers for the rest of their miserable lives.

---

Somewhere on a bridge in Paris, Inspector Javert looked at the stars.

A revolution in the air. A fugitive running.

Valjean materialized behind Javert. “IT HAS BEEN TWENTY FUCKING YEARS. You could have done so much in that time. Find a nice girl and settle down. Write a novel. Start a hobby. But you didn’t. And this ends now.”

“You know nothing of Javert,” the inspector warned.

“I’m the stronger man by far,” Valjean countered.

They fought.

But not for long.

With a cry of “I’M JEAN FUCKING VALJEAN,” Valjean roundhouse kicked that motherfucker into the Seine.

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The audience watched in horror as “One Day More,” one of the most beloved songs from an already beloved musical turned into…this.

Many audience members went to complain.

Their complaints were silenced as Valjean’s actor appeared behind them.

Wielding two baguettes.